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read my profile sign my guestbook Name: HK Location: Singapore Gender: Female Interests: Ultimate Slacker Occupation: Marine Environmentalist Message: message me Member Since: 4/14/2006

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Monday, October 24, 2011

The Spy

I always wondered what it was like to live the life of an assassin/spy.

I didn't know much of what an spy's life would be except for what I had seen in the movies - which frankly, I believe none of it to be true.

I didn't think that all spies had to be sexy and smart and linguistically talented - it's just not realistic. How many Harvard hotties were there? And out of those select few, how many would choose to lead a life of secrecy?

I could just imagine some dumb blonde going, "Oh my gawd - I'm totally a spy now!" *squeal*

Great job Sherlock - you totally blew your cover!

I would like to be a spy for several reasons:

1. It would be a great way to keep fit

2. I would learn martial arts and I could use a gun

3. It would be exciting

4. I would get to travel to different places

Then you remember that:

1. it is morally degrading to kill someone

2. You don't get paid much

3. You could, like, die. And nobody would remember you for the awesome spy that you were.

4. Worse, you could get raped or tortured if you are caught behind enemy lines.

5. You probably can't get married

So no thanks - as much as I would like to be Yvonne Strahovski on Chuck, I just can't deal with the baggage that comes with being a spy.

BUT I'm still open for the job of President.

No wait, better come up with a list for that first.

8:17 AM - 113 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Change

I used to love writing.

It was the one thing I would do every week back when I was 16.

Now all I do is let the internet suck my life away.

I don't understand why is it that I just can't write anymore.

I used to be creative and people used to love listening to my quirky comments.

I used to stare out the bus window and reflect on life, on the infinite passage of time.

I used to have such a philosophical take on everything.

I used to stare at every detail of the world and ponder its secret meanings.

Words used to flow freely out from my mind. Poems constructed out of pure air.

And then life hit me.

The words stopped coming.

Reality has no space for philosophy, nor does it allow simple pleasures.

There is no time for the limited - only eventuality.

The only thing that matters anymore is instantaneous gratification. I allowed myself to be swept up in its rewards.

The only reward I received was obscurity - I was part of a mindless herd again.

The cows of the world - following the Shepard dogs.

I'm clawing to get to the surface again but I am too lost in the crowd, too lost from who I was.

A Shepard no longer, a hollow shell of who I used to be - a shadow of my destiny.

What is my destiny now?

7:54 AM - 4 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Monday, May 03, 2010

I understand that one can be on the internet for hours on end. I realise that people tend to do mindless things on the internet. Always searching, always trying to find various ways to entertain themselves.

Why are people always on the internet?
It is, I believe, to find answers. To find something that could fill the emptiness within them.

Answers. Answers. Answers.

I stared at the Google page for what might have been seconds, but felt like a lifetime. I find myself typing 'the meaning of life'. The best that would crop up was a link to Wikipedia. Even Wikipedia, a limitless knowledge base, is unable to give me the answer I want. Only opinions.

Knowledge is after all so very limited in so many ways.

I don't want opinions, I want the truth. Does anyone comprehend the disturbance in my soul?

Who exactly can tell me the true meaning of life? The truth is beyond us and I suppose that this is the truth that Jesus speaks of in the Bible. A truth that would give me and anyone else satisfaction beyond anything our world has to offer.

I cannot begin to describe this great hole that exists in my being. A need to search for something greater and yet it is in conflict with that of my senses - the sensibility to stay connected to this world, which I have realised countless times to be a facade. And yet, to give it up would be beyond my capabilities, beyond my will and strength.

Nothing here will fulfill our needs. I have a revelation: Survival may be embedded in our instincts, but it is not our true goal. Real courage is to fight our instincts and let go of everything.

I admit that I myself have yet to find such a courage, though I know it to be true. I cannot deny that this world is but a fraction of reality, and it is only the beginning of our destiny.

This may all sound very foolish but one day, maybe for a moment in time or for a split second in your future, something in you will comprehend the depths of emptiness that I feel now. You will realise that everything is superficial, even the love you feel for your spouse or children, and that all you have achieved will be for naught. In that time, you will close your heart immediately, attempting to banish this thought from ever pervading your mind. You are unwilling to face that your ties to this world are fragile and worthless.

You will never again think of such a frightful thought until perhaps on your death bed, when you are frail and no longer able to enjoy the fruits of this world. The world where you have placed your hopes and dreams on. It is then that you understand that all is lost but God.

7:50 AM - 66 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

I need sometimes remind myself
That there are two worlds which exist
only one is real, the other an abyss
I must never be disillusioned
or I shall not return to pure bliss

But I cannot submit myself
to rational thoughts in the unreal
when at times it seems the truth.
It is only when I am sober
that it bares its blasphemous tooth

I need a higher power
to keep me from the dreamworld
to keep me sane and grounded
where evil thoughts may not reach
the deepest confines of my mind

For once I am immersed
I will drown and never surface.
Let this be warning to all!
when romanticism pulls us away
and lead us to our downfall

Let us be strong in emotions!
Let us be clear of head!
To fight off demons that lurk
seeking always for those of us
waiting to join the dead...

5:34 AM - 6 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Sunday, May 02, 2010

HAHAHA. I think it's so funny that I'm resurrecting this blog...and yet it still remains rather dead. Talk about irony.

Well, whatever. I do not seek validation from footprints!

HAHA. Who am I kidding? I should get out there and tell people I'm blogging again. I'm sure people like to listen to my retarded quirky thoughts.

Anyway, I was really reluctant to go to church this morning but it turned out to be quite fun cos I met this small, tiny, teeny little girl called Lauren. So cute. She was totally ignoring my friend next to me and talking to me the whole time. So FUNNY. I guess I just have a unique affinity with TINY TEENY CHILDREN.

So Sorry Rachel. HAHA. You know I'm kidding right?

Other than that, the only interesting thing that happened is that I went with my mom to gorge ourselves with delicious Fish Head Curry at the Sam's Curry Restaurant at Dempsey Road. Awesoooome stuff. Tasted so good that I wanted to puke. Now, isn't that paradoxical?

What I really mean is I ate too much and now the spices aren't doing good things to me.

By The Way, has anyone read A Song of Ice and Fire? I literally bought almost the whole series of books and I'm completely entranced by its fantastical world.

Pffffff. I got nothing now. Bye bye.

8:21 AM - 17 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

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